It's not always just BLACK or WHITE.....

This one may be a little controversial and may sound extreme at times, but— life is full of controversy, and these are my true thoughts, so why not share them? I hope you enjoy reading it. Regardless of your stance, don’t be afraid to comment or share! I love hearing from all of you :)

Here we go!

_

Since I was a child, people have often told me one thing about myself that I’ve never really understood. I’ve heard it from black people, white people, and people of other races as well. I’ve heard it from people who I’ve known well and people who I may have just met or barely know at all. From people at work, school, and from friends.

I’ve been told time and time again: “You’re like, the whitest black person I've ever met”. It’s a strange phenomenon, to be constantly accused of not being “black” enough. That statement has confused me because I’ve wondered (and sometimes actually asked people) what is the specific trait that causes me to be viewed that way. I am black; my skin is black---- being black isn’t a personality type or something I choose to do or be for a day, or whimsically represent from time to time. It isn’t an outfit I put on, or a hat I decide to wear. I’m black because I was born this way. I’m very proud to be black because I’m very proud to be myself, the way I was created.

After years of contemplation, I decided to discuss this with my therapist. She suggested to me that perhaps we have a stereotype ingrained in our minds: black people are supposed to be somewhat obnoxious, aggressive, mean/vindictive, cocky, and closed off toward other races. I am none of those things; I’m naturally quite approachable, calm, peaceful, thoughtful, happy-go-lucky, open, and interested in all types of people and conversation. She suggested to me that maybe the only way some people can describe/justify a person who looks like me, who they are able to relate to in positive manner is to assign me a completely different race. She said a lot of people are so conditioned to stereotypical thinking that we cannot sacrifice our constructs in order to process a real person standing in front of us.

I walked away from that conversation in shock........ it made me feel as though I needed to be re-classified into a race other than my natural one in order to be accepted by most of the people around me. The funny thing is: I KNOW people don’t intend to come off that way; most people toss that comment at me jokingly, and we laugh about it together. Nobody means any harm or negativity whatsoever. But that fact is almost more unsettling because it means that such comments come from a deeply subconscious place. It's no wonder stereotypes are so difficult to break--- most of us are not remotely aware of the way we think.

I hear some people say: “I don’t see colour; I just see people as humans." I don't agree with that view either because to not see colour at all would be to somewhat ignore culture and the beauty that comes from being different and appreciating what unique perspective each person brings to the table.

My suggestion instead: Let’s not try to see or un-see race (or any other stereotyped feature); let’s just allow us to be ourselves. Let's allow each other to be complex human beings who are encouraged to create new patterns instead of just conforming to certain stereotypes which were originally created to oppress people. Let’s be empathetic towards one another, and not quick to classify/judge/label our neighbours and friends. Let’s try to imagine ourselves in each other’s shoes. Only then will we be able to permit each other to just be, without feeling compelled to shove people into mental boxes. I think doing that would lead to more meaningful friendships and help us move toward a more accepting and constructive community.

The word of the day is EMPATHY.

_

P.S.—— Empathy has nothing to do with feeling sorry for someone. It has to do with choosing to identify with and vicariously experience someone else’s circumstances and gain insight about them so that we can unselfishly relate to them.